she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
