Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
