bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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