just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
