my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
