Christians are straight up FREAKS
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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