Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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