That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize