Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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