Im at strip club and am horny
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
