The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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