I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
