I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There's always time for handjobs
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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