I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
