it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
