awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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