yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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