my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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