We're facebook friends in real life
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
