I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
