I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My cat gives me a boner
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
