you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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