need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
