I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Drunk is a universal language darling
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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