I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
