My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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