Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
