he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
