im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize