can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
