I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
