Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize