So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
