Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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