I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
