no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
