3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
