Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize