i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
