Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
