On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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