If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
