so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
