im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
