if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he thought i was a dude.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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