look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
