Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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