I need help removing her.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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