Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
