Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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