I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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