Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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