i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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