R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
there is glitter all over my balls
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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