At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
