I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
