Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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