Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
