As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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