i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
