I'm going to jail i love you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
