got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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