we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
