Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
