I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize