worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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