chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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