Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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