I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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