Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
