She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
