I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
