Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
