I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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