If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's blow job season.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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