her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
