Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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