I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
