I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
