i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
