Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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