i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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