i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
