Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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