jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize