The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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