I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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