you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize