he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my shit smells like andre
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
