don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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