Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's never too late to be topless.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
