Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
