best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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