Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
