No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize