i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
