I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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