do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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