Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
