did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
