Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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