Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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