From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
